The Night I Lost My Father

I watched you take your final breath
As you left me and slipped away to death
Grey and frail, white wispy hair
They said you had gone, but I could see you there
I could not compute nor understand
That you were gone – I still held your hand!
Events blurred around me and numbness came
I sat confused and whispered your name
“Dad? Dad!? Just come back, please!”
I begged and wept amid new unease
For I had no power, there was no control
A little lost boy in an adult’s role.
For all the help you had given me
I couldn’t bend or change your reality
I touched your face and stroked your hair
“This isn’t right, this isn’t fair!”
“His soul has gone”, I heard them say
“Let go”, they begged, “just come away.”
They talked about you being gone
As I sat there, desperate, still hanging on.
Procedures came and words were said
Things to do when someone’s dead
Dead? Dead?? How can this be?
My Dad is stone, he will always be!
Vacant, reluctant, I left your side
Too blank to scream “My Dad has died!”
Through wards and noise to Winter air
I could not converse, I didn’t care
Emerging to December’s night
Nothing in the world felt right –
I thought somehow that all would know
I had let my precious Father go.